…reflecting on memory, mountains and moving forward by Stacey James McAdoo…
For a long time, I believed I was a “forgetful” person. I used to joke that I’d traded brain cells for life experiences in my younger years. But I know better now. My mind isn’t deficient; it’s actually quite brilliant. My brain, in its infinite love for me, simply refuses to store what I don’t need to carry. It’s not about what’s missing, but what (or who) is being protected.
For nearly fifty years, my brain has been “managing” the weight of complex PTSD, selectively clearing out clutter so that I could keep standing. And for decades, “Little Stacey” negotiated our existence. She made the sacrifices, felt the phobias, and managed the chaos so I could arrive at this moment. I so appreciate her for that.
Last month, after leadership training in Nashville, I went on a “NeverHaveIEver” solo trek to the Great Smoky Mountains. I drove until the road turned into mountains, where I let the “heavy” of Nashville that contained the memories of my son’s college years and the weight of a closed chapter turn into wonder. That shift happened at one of the several stops I made to simply listen to the Little Pigeon River.
In a rental car, with postcard-worthy views and Ingarose’s “I Celebrate Me” vibrating through the speakers… “I celebrate me / For everything I survived / All the nights I cried / But still I stayed alive”… realized that I was driving, not Little Stacey.
After my brother’s car accident, driving in unfamiliar territory was a real phobia. So this 575-mile away from home solo journey was a monumental boss move. It gave me the opportunity to honor Little Stacey for holding it down, and finally give her permission to get out of the driver’s seat.
As I lean into my new professional reality as the national Managing Director of Learning and Development, the irony isn’t lost on me that the skills I sharpened at the PIE Leadership Institute (negotiation, management, and sustainability) are the same tools I’ve been using to build my community, Still Standing: The Practice, and to manage my own healing.
That trip was exactly what I needed. It was freeing to just go with the flow, without a minute-by-minute agenda. When I returned home, I carried that “A-OK” energy back with me. A bike ride that turned into a spontaneous boat ride served as a reminder that while I am responsible for national-level strategy, I must still leave room for the unplanned joy that arrives when we trust the process.
That trust was on full display during our first in person Level Ground for Still Standing. Watching my daughter, Jamee, show us how to use mindfulness and art to ground us through the “messy middle” confirmed what I’ve always suspected: we don’t have to choose between being raw and being restored. We can be both.
April culminated in a full-circle moment that felt like a benediction. Sitting across from Patrick Oliver, the mentor who first gave me a platform 30 years ago, we discussed National Poetry Month and my journey from a 10th-grader discovering Maya Angelou to being named the Arkansas Teacher of the Year. I realized I wasn’t just talking about poetry; I was talking about the power of “standing still” long enough to grow roots.
I am now the Managing Director of my own peace. I’ve realized that being “rooted,” as my sister-in-love says, “doesn’t mean being a tree.” I am no longer hunkering down to survive the storm; I am using the wind to grow. Whether I’m sitting across from a colleague or leading students, teachers or a national team, I’m finally driving with a cultivated heart…thankful for “Little Stacey” for getting me here, and excited to see where the “Managing Director” is headed next.
I celebrate me
For the woman I became
Through the hurt through the pain
I still found my way.
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Stacey McAdoo, the 2019 Arkansas Teacher of the Year, has dedicated over twenty years to advocating for traditionally underrepresented students and educators. Her relationship-based approach to education is featured in the award-winning Arkansas PBS docuseries Closing the Opportunity Gap and her specialized course, Coaching Self-Expression: Go-In Poet.
As the founder of the Writeous Poets—a spoken word and youth advocacy collective—and an expert professional development facilitator, Stacey designs transformative sessions centered on arts integration, equity, and empowerment. She currently serves as a professor at Reach University and the national Managing Director of Learning & Development for Teach Plus. Additionally, she is the host of the A Mile In My Shoes: The Walk & Talk Podcast and the founder of Still Standing: The Practice, a community for resilient women who, to the world’s astonishment and surprise, continue to stand and thrive despite life’s most unimaginable challenges.
Still Stacey 